The Quest Towards Perfection

Is not an easy task.

But it is a commandment. 

Matthew 5:48 "Be ye therefore perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect"

Man, this can be daunting.

When I signed up for this whole gig (completely the 2013 Cozumel Ironman). I was on fire. I had a set schedule and I was determined to do it. I knew it would be tough but the hardest thing is trying to balance everything else and putting away those other desires.

And this week I FAILED miserable. I only got up twice to work out and the work outs were LAZY.

While feeling like a total failure, I woke up saturday morning and began reading up on my lesson for Relief Society. A few things that President Snow said really resinated in my heart:


“Do not expect to become perfect at once. If you do, you will be disappointed. Be better today than you were yesterday, and be better tomorrow than you are today.”

“My young friends, there is an opportunity for you to become great—just as great as you wish to be. In starting out in life you may set your hearts upon things very difficult to attain to, but possibly within your reach. In your first efforts to gratify your desires you may fail, and your continued efforts may not prove what may be termed a success. But inasmuch as your efforts were honest efforts, and inasmuch as your desires were founded in righteousness, the experience you obtain while pursuing your hearts’ desires must necessarily be profitable to you, and even your mistakes, if mistakes you make, will be turned to your advantage.”³

Brothers and Sisters, we will fail in our lives, and we may be frustrated, and mad at ourselves when we do because we know that we are commanded to be perfect. But we must always remember that tomorrow is a new day. We must remember that we will fail but what is most important is that we get back up and get back to work.

So that is what I will be doing tomorrow. I will start tonight by taking another walk up the Y by myself to clear my head and tomorrow morning I will be back to the grind. I have put a few reminders on my mirror to see everyday:

If I Could Only Do One Thing...

For the rest of my life, I would 

DANCE

(You'll LOVE the video at the end)

Sunday Hike To The Y

After making lunch for a few friends this Sabbath day (thanks to my SIL Brooke, I am now fairly good at making a DELICIOUS thai meal and everyone was satisfied) my friend and I took a little walk outside and it was absolutely beautiful. He mentioned wanting to hike the Y and reminded me that I have been wanting to do that for a while.

But I got lazy, laid in bed and started to watch a chick flick. I began to think about how beautiful it is outside and how I was wasting the day away laying in bed. So I jumped up, changed my clothes and headed out the door. 

And I began the Hike alone:

Time to think, to reflect, and to enjoy all that God has given me. During my lesson today and girl in the class talked about how important it is that sometimes we shut off our minds and listen to our hearts. So I just tried to listen to my heart, I tried turning off my mind and just enjoying the time alone with my soul, and God's creations. 

I didn't have any crazy revelations, nothing really inspiring happened, I didn't make some big change in my current plans, I didn't get guidance one who I should date, I just hiked. I enjoyed the beautiful weather, the time I got away from the noise of the world, and the time I had alone to get back in tune with my spirit.

I believe that deep down our spirits know who we want to be, who we should be, and they can help us get there if we just take some time to be alone with them. 

Is This Really My Life?

I sit here still in my gym clothes smelling the lovely scent coming from my under arms thinking about my experience at good old Provo, Ut Gold's gym. Wondering about how I got here, this part of the single life, the part that I NEVER saw myself.

Is this really my life? Spending my free time at the gym with all of my "friends" having mindless conversations about dating and how fun it is to have random hook ups but also acknowledging the fact that its lame that one would even do that at our age.

Is this really my life? Going on dates with random guys I meet online, at a party, a friend set it up or from an app that basically is just telling you if you are hot or not (Tinder, the new app that lets you know people don't think you are good looking enough).

Is this really my life? Trying everyday to make the work place a place that people really want to be. Where they feel loved and appreciated and yet I can't seem to get it right.

I'd rather be spending my time conversing with the one person who just gets me, talking about the things we've learned from the past, where we see ourselves in five years, what we think about the Gospel of Jesus Christ, planning our children's names, wondering about the mysterious of the world together.

I'd rather be going on dates weekly with the one person that I can't live without. The one that makes me laugh at the dumbest jokes, who will listen to me rant about my new crazy idea and help me plan how I am going to accomplish it, the one guy who is finally on my team for forever.

I'd rather be at home with a bunch of kiddies to snuggle with, clean up after, kiss all day, to tell "I love you", to teach, to cook for, to dance with, to sing at the top of our lungs to ridiculous songs, to raise up in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

But...

If we continue to search for that Golden Ticket without enjoying the chocolate we will miss out on so many delicious bites:

http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/general-relief-society-meeting/2011/09/forget-me-not?lang=eng

Maybe I can help turn those conversations at the gym into something informative and interesting and stop engaging in conversations that have no substance.

Maybe I can learn to enjoy my dates for who they are deep down and develop relationships with good people.

Maybe I can embrace everyday at work knowing that I may not be able to make everyone happy but I can try my best to make it the best environment that I can with all the love I can give.

Reality is I may never find that Golden Ticket in this life, but I can learn to enjoy every delicious bite of the chocolate.

Being A Minority Can Be Tough

Seeing a blonde hair blue eyed girl in Provo, Utah is like seeing a tree hugger in Oregon. They are everywhere. For the last few years I have been just one of the many, but I have always wanted to stick out. I’ve always tried to be the minority. I know most people don’t want to be the minority but for some reason I have always dreamed to be.

In a sense, I always have been. I’ve lived in many different places where I was the minority because of my religion. I often was one of the only Later-day Saints in my class.

I am officially going to be apart of a very small minority when I finish this Ironman. I often try to find those at the gym that look like they might be training for a race as well. It isn’t easy and sometimes I am sad about it. I’ve come to realize that being the minority isn’t as cool as it might have seemed to me in the past.

That became very real these last few weeks.

At the beginning of the year I decided to go to the Polynesian singles ward home evening. I wanted to visit and meet more people that remind me of my mission/high school (I went to one of the most diverse high schools in the united states).  Plus if you know me, you know that I have a thing for brown men.

It happened to be the first week of practice for a dance performance that would be in about 6 weeks. I got sucked in and since secretly for years I have wanted to perform a poly dance in front of a group of people I thought it would be fun to accomplish that goal.

I did not know how hard it would be. I spent the next six weeks two days a week a few hours at practice and I have never felt so out of place, ever. I was the minority. And I felt it. I felt out of place and disconnected. I really tried hard to make relationships with the girls but it was not happening. I don’t know if it was because I looked different than them, or if it was because they really didn’t like my personality, or if they didn’t even notice me (it’s hard to not notice the only white girl), or maybe they didn’t think that I really cared to make friends with them.

I wanted to quit so many times. I felt out of place and unwanted, and I knew that I was going to stick out like a sore thumb in the performance. Two weeks before the performance I almost quit. But then I thought about how one day I could teach my kids the importance of following things through even when you feel like you are all alone.

So I got through it. Don’t get me wrong, I made a few friends and was able to get closer to some old friends. And there were some that were really friendly to me. But I never once felt that I was fully accepted or wanted. I can only imagine how many people have felt that way at one point in their life.  

There are many of you who have felt that way before, who have felt left out, unwanted, etc. To you I say, I know how you feel. And all I can say is it may not ever really get better but you can NOT pay it forward by always trying to include those around you that may be different than you, or weird, or awkward. Everyone needs friends, don’t be that person that excludes others.

All in all it was a great experience and I was able to do something I had never done before! 

DELICIOUS

Since I have started this journey I realize that I need to eat more protein and I have been trying to create the best protein shake; I think I have almost nailed it.

A few things I have learned: I HATE when protein shakes are grainy, bananas help with that. And I am pretty sure that my body does not function without peanut butter (addiction maybe) so it is a must for my daily shakes.

So here it is:

1 Scoop Vanilla Protein
1/2 Banana
4 Frozen Strawberrys
Spoonfull of Peanut Butter
2 Spoons of Apple Sauce
1 Cup of Almond Milk
As much or as little ice as you want 

Obviously I am not one to measure. You can measure it how you want.

And it is high in calorie so know that you probably should be drinking this after a really great workout. I enjoy one almost every morning after my intense workouts.

Sometimes I double it and take half to work to enjoy as a small meal throughout the day.

 Try it out and tell me what you think.

Tough Decisions

Four years ago tomorrow I entered in the Missionary Training Center in Provo, UT to begin my life as a representative of our Savior Jesus Christ.

I didn't always want to be a missionary. I thought I would be married and have had babies before I was even of age to serve. That's what I thought I really wanted, but I have learned that sometimes what we want isn't always the best thing for us.

At the time I was of age to go I was dating a guy who I loved so much. The kind of love that makes your heart stop when you think about them. Where you crave being with them and feel like you can't live with out them. I thought that meant I was truly in love and that nothing could keep us apart.

But things weren't even close to perfect and I didn't want to see it. We didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things and we fought constantly. I had an internal battle for months. I felt like I should let him go but every time I tried I felt like a piece of me died and I wanted him back. I NEEDED him back.

One day at work, I nannied for the cutest family, I was crying and the mom asked me what was up. I told her that I just felt uneasy about whether I should stay with my boyfriend or not and didn't know what to do. She then asked me "have you thought about serving a mission?". My heart stopped. The words pierced my soul. It felt like something I needed to hear, I just didn't want to hear it. My family had been asking me about the same thing for months and I would just change the subject.

I pushed it out of my mind and a few days later I was still uneasy. The middle child sensed something was wrong and asked me if I was o.k. I told her my stomach hurt but it wasn't because I was sick. She said "that means you are doing something wrong," she was 9 and she hit the nail on the head. I knew right then that I needed to let him go.

I spent the next month trying to decided what to do. I didn't get any specific guidance in my prayers or even from priesthood blessings. I just felt uneasy when trying to stay with him. I got a blessing that told me my heart and soul were fighting each other, it also said that whether I decided to get married or serve a mission it didn't matter because I would always be a missionary wherever I am in my life. The Lord was leaving it up to me to decide.

I knew I needed to decide and stick to my decision. I wanted to be on the same side as my soul and I knew what that meant. I needed to let him go and I was ready.

When I finally let him go it was as if a burden was completely lifted. Four months later I got my mission call. Two months later I was in the MTC, my heart and soul were together, on the same page and life was good. My last week in the MTC I received a blessing that told me I was meant to me in the Rosario Argentina Mission. I knew I was EXACTLY where I needed to be.

I learned that the Lord will NEVER force us to do anything, and sometimes He wont even tell us what we should do. He wants us to DECIDE on our own and then He will tell us if it is right (D&C 9:8-9). It wasn't until I was in the mission that I received the confirmation but all along getting there, it was such a peaceful feeling.

My mission changed my life. I spent the best 18 months with the people of Argentina where I learned a new language, a new culture, a new life. I learned how to set goals and reach them. How to plan my time wisely, etc. But more importantly I learned more about my Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ.

I will always remember the miracles I saw and the people I met in the country that helped me shape who I am today. I am grateful for the decision that I made to serve a mission and will always be able to look back and know that I made the right decision.