The Reality of Temptation

Sometimes it is more real then we want to admit to ourselves or to others.

This picture describes me; happy, crazy, fun, outgoing.  But lately that hasn't been me...

I haven't been blogging like I promised. I found myself in a very dark place the past few weeks, a place I hate to admit I would even let myself go.

I have found myself bitter, sad, alone, without energy, feasting upon all the things in my life that aren't going well.

I've spent many nights trying to hold back tears and instead of doing something productive I watched too many ridiculous shows that allowed me to fall into a more depressive and sad state. 

I haven't been getting up in the morning to do my usual work outs nor run the milage necessary to prepare for my marathon that is in TWO weeks!

My prayers have been filled with sadness and very short conversations with God wondering why things aren't turning out the way that I would like them to. 

And these tempting thoughts have been creeping in (these are kind of embarrassing to share):

"Just start dating a non-member, give into sexual temptations, you've been good for so many years and look where has it brought you, alone. Just go have fun."

"Why not go and out drink for a night, see what its like. You've taken care of your body for so long, it'll be fine."

"Go buy a cute black dress, show off your body, you've worked hard for your figure, why not show it off for the night."

"Just give up."

These thoughts have been ever so present in my mind for the last few weeks keeping me in a place EXACTLY where Satan wants me. 

But... I am a member of such a wonderful church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Later-day Saints also known as the Mormons.

This Church has been restored by the power of the Priesthood to this earth and that same Priesthood is alive and well amongst the males and leaders of my church. I have a wonderful Prophet, Apostles and leaders who have been praying for me for these last few months and they prepared things that were specific to me. 

And this weekend my heart has been restored to it's rightful place. My thoughts and desires have been turned toward my Savoir. And the willingness to fight past these temptations and be better has been ever more present in my life. 

Something that really hit me this weekend was said by Elder Eyring:

"My promise is that those who pray and serve the Lord cannot be that you will have every blessing that ye may wish for yourself or for your family but I can promise you that the Savior will draw close to you and bless you w/what is for best for you."

This is what has been on my mind. Why have I been trying so hard to receive the blessings I think I deserve when really the blessings are there. I am able to draw closer to my Savior and He has been blessing me with the things I need most.

To all you who are being tempted by Satan who feel as though they are ready to throw in the towel because you haven't been blessed with the things you have wished for. Just keep on trucking. Go back to some of my favorite talks from the last few days. Like: Erying's or Dalton's or Scott's or our beloved Prophet who reminds was to be obedient.

Brother's and sisters, I know it is a tough time. I know that many of you are wanting to just walk away from all of the promises you have made because you think it might be easier. But stick to it. Stay strong. Fight back. Know that you are loved. Know that the end will come and then you can rest. But for now, stand in holy places and be not moved! And if you need something else to keep you motivated watch this.