Being A Minority Can Be Tough

Seeing a blonde hair blue eyed girl in Provo, Utah is like seeing a tree hugger in Oregon. They are everywhere. For the last few years I have been just one of the many, but I have always wanted to stick out. I’ve always tried to be the minority. I know most people don’t want to be the minority but for some reason I have always dreamed to be.

In a sense, I always have been. I’ve lived in many different places where I was the minority because of my religion. I often was one of the only Later-day Saints in my class.

I am officially going to be apart of a very small minority when I finish this Ironman. I often try to find those at the gym that look like they might be training for a race as well. It isn’t easy and sometimes I am sad about it. I’ve come to realize that being the minority isn’t as cool as it might have seemed to me in the past.

That became very real these last few weeks.

At the beginning of the year I decided to go to the Polynesian singles ward home evening. I wanted to visit and meet more people that remind me of my mission/high school (I went to one of the most diverse high schools in the united states).  Plus if you know me, you know that I have a thing for brown men.

It happened to be the first week of practice for a dance performance that would be in about 6 weeks. I got sucked in and since secretly for years I have wanted to perform a poly dance in front of a group of people I thought it would be fun to accomplish that goal.

I did not know how hard it would be. I spent the next six weeks two days a week a few hours at practice and I have never felt so out of place, ever. I was the minority. And I felt it. I felt out of place and disconnected. I really tried hard to make relationships with the girls but it was not happening. I don’t know if it was because I looked different than them, or if it was because they really didn’t like my personality, or if they didn’t even notice me (it’s hard to not notice the only white girl), or maybe they didn’t think that I really cared to make friends with them.

I wanted to quit so many times. I felt out of place and unwanted, and I knew that I was going to stick out like a sore thumb in the performance. Two weeks before the performance I almost quit. But then I thought about how one day I could teach my kids the importance of following things through even when you feel like you are all alone.

So I got through it. Don’t get me wrong, I made a few friends and was able to get closer to some old friends. And there were some that were really friendly to me. But I never once felt that I was fully accepted or wanted. I can only imagine how many people have felt that way at one point in their life.  

There are many of you who have felt that way before, who have felt left out, unwanted, etc. To you I say, I know how you feel. And all I can say is it may not ever really get better but you can NOT pay it forward by always trying to include those around you that may be different than you, or weird, or awkward. Everyone needs friends, don’t be that person that excludes others.

All in all it was a great experience and I was able to do something I had never done before! 

DELICIOUS

Since I have started this journey I realize that I need to eat more protein and I have been trying to create the best protein shake; I think I have almost nailed it.

A few things I have learned: I HATE when protein shakes are grainy, bananas help with that. And I am pretty sure that my body does not function without peanut butter (addiction maybe) so it is a must for my daily shakes.

So here it is:

1 Scoop Vanilla Protein
1/2 Banana
4 Frozen Strawberrys
Spoonfull of Peanut Butter
2 Spoons of Apple Sauce
1 Cup of Almond Milk
As much or as little ice as you want 

Obviously I am not one to measure. You can measure it how you want.

And it is high in calorie so know that you probably should be drinking this after a really great workout. I enjoy one almost every morning after my intense workouts.

Sometimes I double it and take half to work to enjoy as a small meal throughout the day.

 Try it out and tell me what you think.

Tough Decisions

Four years ago tomorrow I entered in the Missionary Training Center in Provo, UT to begin my life as a representative of our Savior Jesus Christ.

I didn't always want to be a missionary. I thought I would be married and have had babies before I was even of age to serve. That's what I thought I really wanted, but I have learned that sometimes what we want isn't always the best thing for us.

At the time I was of age to go I was dating a guy who I loved so much. The kind of love that makes your heart stop when you think about them. Where you crave being with them and feel like you can't live with out them. I thought that meant I was truly in love and that nothing could keep us apart.

But things weren't even close to perfect and I didn't want to see it. We didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things and we fought constantly. I had an internal battle for months. I felt like I should let him go but every time I tried I felt like a piece of me died and I wanted him back. I NEEDED him back.

One day at work, I nannied for the cutest family, I was crying and the mom asked me what was up. I told her that I just felt uneasy about whether I should stay with my boyfriend or not and didn't know what to do. She then asked me "have you thought about serving a mission?". My heart stopped. The words pierced my soul. It felt like something I needed to hear, I just didn't want to hear it. My family had been asking me about the same thing for months and I would just change the subject.

I pushed it out of my mind and a few days later I was still uneasy. The middle child sensed something was wrong and asked me if I was o.k. I told her my stomach hurt but it wasn't because I was sick. She said "that means you are doing something wrong," she was 9 and she hit the nail on the head. I knew right then that I needed to let him go.

I spent the next month trying to decided what to do. I didn't get any specific guidance in my prayers or even from priesthood blessings. I just felt uneasy when trying to stay with him. I got a blessing that told me my heart and soul were fighting each other, it also said that whether I decided to get married or serve a mission it didn't matter because I would always be a missionary wherever I am in my life. The Lord was leaving it up to me to decide.

I knew I needed to decide and stick to my decision. I wanted to be on the same side as my soul and I knew what that meant. I needed to let him go and I was ready.

When I finally let him go it was as if a burden was completely lifted. Four months later I got my mission call. Two months later I was in the MTC, my heart and soul were together, on the same page and life was good. My last week in the MTC I received a blessing that told me I was meant to me in the Rosario Argentina Mission. I knew I was EXACTLY where I needed to be.

I learned that the Lord will NEVER force us to do anything, and sometimes He wont even tell us what we should do. He wants us to DECIDE on our own and then He will tell us if it is right (D&C 9:8-9). It wasn't until I was in the mission that I received the confirmation but all along getting there, it was such a peaceful feeling.

My mission changed my life. I spent the best 18 months with the people of Argentina where I learned a new language, a new culture, a new life. I learned how to set goals and reach them. How to plan my time wisely, etc. But more importantly I learned more about my Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ.

I will always remember the miracles I saw and the people I met in the country that helped me shape who I am today. I am grateful for the decision that I made to serve a mission and will always be able to look back and know that I made the right decision.

Ok Ladies... (Guys too...)

I just made that dreaded phone call, the one where you need to tell a guy you aren't interested in going out. I could've done it over texting but I felt like he deserved a little bit more respect. Now, I can't say I was THAT respectful, I did wait almost a week and I probably just made it worse but I felt like I needed to do it before I wrote this post.

All girls want to be loved, adored and wanted. It's part of our DNA. We are NEEDY of attention and we don't care how we get it sometimes. So when we talk to that guy we aren't even that interested in, we smile just enough to hear the sweet words that come out of his mouth and then lead them on just enough. Then, when they try to ask us out we get annoyed, or freak out because we don't want to say yes but then feel obligated. Don't roll your eyes, you've done it before.

And then we do the worst thing. We say yes, because they just asked us to our face and don't want to be mean. We proceed to give them our number and later get a text or call from them. Sometimes we play along for the attention, we flirt a little and give them just enough hope that we will go out with them and when the time comes for the date we bail by making up some lame excuse that they believe just because they are a nice guy and want to see the best in us.

Or we go silent, no response, no call back, not even a text message. This happened the other day to a friend of mine.

He asked a girl out, she said yes, so he got her number. He followed up a few days later with a phone call and left a very funny message.

She never called back, so the day before the ALREADY planed and agreed upon date (that he already had tickets for).

He texted her.

No response.

So he thought of a clever text for her to get out of the date if she wanted.

No response.

The DAY AFTER the date she sent him a text and told him she didn't know who it was with a little "HAHA" attached and kind of apologized about not going. Kinda. I don't even know what she was trying to say with her response.

I am sure that I have been this girl once before. I can't believe I have. I can't believe anyone would not have the decency to just tell the guy that she isn't interested in going so he can waste his time, minutes and texts on another girl.

Just tell the guy you are not interested. Shoot him a text or a message on FB. Give him the decency of some sort of communication instead of calling him a creep for being some what agressive. And stop saying yes to dates where you know you will either bail or not be interested in.

Now your turn guys, sometimes you have to take a hint. Sometimes the girl is just being nice. And sometimes she has a hard time saying no, so don't swear off dating awesome ladies just because one was a little rude to you.

AND stop asking out the SAME girls. I know plenty of great single women who don't go out because the guys are wasting time and money on the same few women.

Lonely v.s Alone

I run alone. I bike alone. I swim alone. I go to parties alone. I go to the movies alone. I actually don't mind doing some things alone, often I prefer it. But there are times when it just gets lonely.

I use to have my posy everywhere I went.

Freshman year of college I ran with these girls:

The next few college years:

After the mission I got lucky enough to live with these great girls:

But now it seems as though I am ridin solo more and more. Many of my friends have moved on with their lives, they have their special someone, they've moved on and now are having kids, etc. I don’t want this post to sound so melodramatic, or make anyone think that I am sad and alone because that is not the case. I am often alone and only sometimes am I sad about it.

Being alone isn’t always bad but being lonely can be. While I am training I really do prefer it sometimes. I like to listen to certain songs and go at my own pace. However on my long runs some days I would love to have someone who runs at my same pace to run along side of me and keep me company.

I am o.k with being alone, but I'd rather not be lonely. But how does one really feel less lonely? The world wants to tell us that we HAVE to have our other half (a spouse) or we HAVE to roll with the right posy, or we HAVE to be going out to all the great parties, and HAVE the coolest friends. 

But these things don't always keep us from feeling lonely. We could have all the friends in the world, all the money, be invited to all the cool parties, etc, but still feel lonely. I am sure some of you are reading this and have a spouse, or kids and still feel alone sometimes, or know all the coolest people in town, but still feel lonely.

I am still learning how it is we can find joy and peace in times of loneliness but there are a few things that have helped me when I am feeling lonely:

1.) Know that your Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ are always there for you, and want you to turn to them. They will never leave you feeling lonely.

2.) Reach out to someone else. There are so many people out there who are feeling lost and alone. There is almost always someone else who is suffering more and is in need your love more.

3.) Make a big goal, like an Ironman and use your free time to reach that goal.

Whatever it is that makes you feel lonely; I urge you to seek a deeper relationship with your Father in Heaven, serve others, or set a new goal and fill your time with things that will help you in your progression.

The Compound Effect

I saw an old friend at the gym the other morning. She asked with shock "How LONG are you going to run today???" I answered with "I am only doing five today". With almost a defeated response she said, "I only did two".

I thought to myself, "only!?" and proceded to tell her that was awesome. Really though, that is great, two miles isn't a little defeat, it is kinda big. And that can be just the beginning. People often think that the little they do isn't good enough, but it is. Real life changes take time, little by little, precept on precept. Who freaking cares if you only run a mile, or a half mile, or if you just walk it! As long as you are progressing little by little thats all that matters.

If I tried to be who I am today when I was this stinking cute then I would have been a crazy child. Well, an even CRAZIER child...

I was so stinking cute right?

ANYWAYS, I listen to a book called "The Compound Effect" by Darren Hardy. It is all about how making small changes help create long lasting habits. Often times when wanting to make a big change in our life we want to see results right away and so we tend to jump into crazy things. We push ourselves to run 10 miles the first time we jump on the treadmill, or we refuse to eat like a normal person, or we put way too much time into reading a book, or any new hobby and we burn out quickly.

Darren uses a good example, would you rather get 3 million dollars today, or would you take a penny that doubles everyday? Well, if you're smart you know that the penny only after a few short weeks will actually be of more value.

LITTLE BY LITTLE

LINE UPON LINE

You don't need to do anything crazy to make your life better. Start with something little today. Me, I am just going to give up soda for 21 days, no more, no less. What small changes do you want to make? Maybe you want to run for just 2 min longer, or cut 100 calories out of your diet, or read just 5 pages out of a good book. Start today with something little and in time you will see big changes!

If your looking for a new book to read or listen to that will help you on the path of creating and keeping new good habits, I would suggest getting this!

Obsessions

I am obsessed with this little thing but this isn't what the post is about. 

I have this awesome gym buddy. You gym rats know what I am talking about. The person you expect to see when you're at the gym at a certain time. You never exchange numbers and only have a few minute conversations about your workouts and on rare occasion, personal things.

I met this girl because I was checking her out. No, I am not into women but I do appreciate a women that has a fit body and I always ask how they do it. So I told her she was looking fabulous and we became instant buddies (girls love to be told they are looking good, give your women words of affirmation guys!).

She was training for a body competition and explained that it is tough to get the body she does. If I was ok with not having a life then I would enjoy it; bringing chicken breast and boiled eggs everywhere you go and only ordering a salad when eating out.

This week I saw her and asked how things were going (I hadn't seen her in a while). She informed me that she has been in the hospital the last week with multiple problems including a damaged kidney. She also told me how unhappy she has been the last few months and that she is quitting the competition. Everything she did was revolved around this competition and the obsession kept her from really being happy.

She felt like she lost herself in the process and wants to be happy again. It's crazy how an activity that really can bring joy can ultimately bring sadness.

Anything we do we need to keep balance in our lives. Spiritually, physically, emotionally, mentally, all of them matter. If we allow ourselves to become obsessed with one aspect we can shift off balance and find ourselves very unhappy.

I hope that I can keep the balance as my races come closer. I'll admit, its been tough lately, getting up early, going on long runs, and scheduling things to make sure that I make time for the gym. I am trying to still stay focused on reading my scriptures every morning, attending the temple, keeping my relationships with family, going on dates, reading good books, and just enjoying life. I hope that I can keep up the balance when the training gets more intense.