Tough Decisions

Four years ago tomorrow I entered in the Missionary Training Center in Provo, UT to begin my life as a representative of our Savior Jesus Christ.

I didn't always want to be a missionary. I thought I would be married and have had babies before I was even of age to serve. That's what I thought I really wanted, but I have learned that sometimes what we want isn't always the best thing for us.

At the time I was of age to go I was dating a guy who I loved so much. The kind of love that makes your heart stop when you think about them. Where you crave being with them and feel like you can't live with out them. I thought that meant I was truly in love and that nothing could keep us apart.

But things weren't even close to perfect and I didn't want to see it. We didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things and we fought constantly. I had an internal battle for months. I felt like I should let him go but every time I tried I felt like a piece of me died and I wanted him back. I NEEDED him back.

One day at work, I nannied for the cutest family, I was crying and the mom asked me what was up. I told her that I just felt uneasy about whether I should stay with my boyfriend or not and didn't know what to do. She then asked me "have you thought about serving a mission?". My heart stopped. The words pierced my soul. It felt like something I needed to hear, I just didn't want to hear it. My family had been asking me about the same thing for months and I would just change the subject.

I pushed it out of my mind and a few days later I was still uneasy. The middle child sensed something was wrong and asked me if I was o.k. I told her my stomach hurt but it wasn't because I was sick. She said "that means you are doing something wrong," she was 9 and she hit the nail on the head. I knew right then that I needed to let him go.

I spent the next month trying to decided what to do. I didn't get any specific guidance in my prayers or even from priesthood blessings. I just felt uneasy when trying to stay with him. I got a blessing that told me my heart and soul were fighting each other, it also said that whether I decided to get married or serve a mission it didn't matter because I would always be a missionary wherever I am in my life. The Lord was leaving it up to me to decide.

I knew I needed to decide and stick to my decision. I wanted to be on the same side as my soul and I knew what that meant. I needed to let him go and I was ready.

When I finally let him go it was as if a burden was completely lifted. Four months later I got my mission call. Two months later I was in the MTC, my heart and soul were together, on the same page and life was good. My last week in the MTC I received a blessing that told me I was meant to me in the Rosario Argentina Mission. I knew I was EXACTLY where I needed to be.

I learned that the Lord will NEVER force us to do anything, and sometimes He wont even tell us what we should do. He wants us to DECIDE on our own and then He will tell us if it is right (D&C 9:8-9). It wasn't until I was in the mission that I received the confirmation but all along getting there, it was such a peaceful feeling.

My mission changed my life. I spent the best 18 months with the people of Argentina where I learned a new language, a new culture, a new life. I learned how to set goals and reach them. How to plan my time wisely, etc. But more importantly I learned more about my Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ.

I will always remember the miracles I saw and the people I met in the country that helped me shape who I am today. I am grateful for the decision that I made to serve a mission and will always be able to look back and know that I made the right decision.