All girls want to be loved, adored and wanted. It's part of our DNA. We are NEEDY of attention and we don't care how we get it sometimes. So when we talk to that guy we aren't even that interested in, we smile just enough to hear the sweet words that come out of his mouth and then lead them on just enough. Then, when they try to ask us out we get annoyed, or freak out because we don't want to say yes but then feel obligated. Don't roll your eyes, you've done it before.
And then we do the worst thing. We say yes, because they just asked us to our face and don't want to be mean. We proceed to give them our number and later get a text or call from them. Sometimes we play along for the attention, we flirt a little and give them just enough hope that we will go out with them and when the time comes for the date we bail by making up some lame excuse that they believe just because they are a nice guy and want to see the best in us.
Or we go silent, no response, no call back, not even a text message. This happened the other day to a friend of mine.
He asked a girl out, she said yes, so he got her number. He followed up a few days later with a phone call and left a very funny message.
She never called back, so the day before the ALREADY planed and agreed upon date (that he already had tickets for).
He texted her.
No response.
So he thought of a clever text for her to get out of the date if she wanted.
No response.
The DAY AFTER the date she sent him a text and told him she didn't know who it was with a little "HAHA" attached and kind of apologized about not going. Kinda. I don't even know what she was trying to say with her response.
I am sure that I have been this girl once before. I can't believe I have. I can't believe anyone would not have the decency to just tell the guy that she isn't interested in going so he can waste his time, minutes and texts on another girl.
Just tell the guy you are not interested. Shoot him a text or a message on FB. Give him the decency of some sort of communication instead of calling him a creep for being some what agressive. And stop saying yes to dates where you know you will either bail or not be interested in.
Now your turn guys, sometimes you have to take a hint. Sometimes the girl is just being nice. And sometimes she has a hard time saying no, so don't swear off dating awesome ladies just because one was a little rude to you.
AND stop asking out the SAME girls. I know plenty of great single women who don't go out because the guys are wasting time and money on the same few women.
i feel ya. but some guys ask you out as a friend, or maybe want to get to know you better before deciding to pursue you. i made a rule for myself...3 dates. i would go out twice with a guy, no problem....but if he asked me out a third time and i wasn't interested, then i would let him know. and honestly, i never had to have that awkward conversation...it worked well for me...
ReplyDeleteI was just checking out your blog! I hope we can catch up one of these days! And I totally agree with you. I didn't address that idea because I wanted to focus on the girls that dont even get back to the guy and just leave them hanging. I always say yes to a first, not always a second. But you're the married one so obviously you did it right!
DeleteOh and go to Hawaii... enjoy it while you can!! ;)
DeleteFor the record, most guys with half a brain don't "believe the lame excuses". After all, we've heard them a million times. Odds are you're not the first girl to ever try that. My personal favorite is, "Something came up with a friend..." I mean yeah, we get it, but some guys don't believe in giving up so easy. I'm not one of those guys. I'll drop it at the first sign of trouble, because I want a girl who knows how to communicate openly about how she feels. At the same time though, it's a difficult balance because a lot of couples have stories about how she wasn't really that interested when they started dating but then they end up getting married. Some girls out right say they are not interested but they really mean, "Chase me!" (I've had girls tell me that so ladies, don't deny it). The point I guess I'm trying to make is that everyone is different. There is no "one size fits all" solution because people are too dynamic. The best thing you can do is just keep being yourself and hold nothing back. A lot of people will find that other piece of the human puzzle that fits in perfectly right beside them. Those who hold back will find a less than perfect fit, and many of us may not ever find someone at all, but if you don't at least give it a shot, you'll never know. So it's a fine line to walk.
ReplyDeleteI think you should give most people a chance though, not just say no because you don't think anything could happen romantically. At the very least you make a friend. Just because you don't become a couple doesn't mean you're wasting you're time. How do ever hope to know what qualities you want in a person if you never try something new or if you're afraid to "waste his time"? I'm sorry but I hate when girls say, "I don't want to waste your time". You know why? because that says a lot about your self esteem and how much you are assuming about me. I date girls with the ultimate goal of finding a companion sure, but if I don't make it to that point I haven't wasted my time. If I fail, I have learned, I haven't wasted my time. Brianna, not to be offensive here, but I think you've missed the point of dating if you're encouraging your peers to say no because they don't think it will work out. Maybe after you've given them a fair chance, but not right off the bat. We're guys. (At least most of us) should be able to handle a little heartbreak. Everyone should. It's how you learn to ride a bike right? You get up, you try, you fall and get hurt. You get up, you learn what you did wrong, you try again. You're never going to learn to ride if you're so afraid of getting hurt that you never get on the bike to begin with. The same goes for dating.
Dan,
DeleteThank you for your insight. I agree in a lot of ways, it just wasn't the angle I was taking with this thought. I think a girl should give a guy a first date, but if they aren't going to at least give them the decency of a response to a text or phone call, or date even agree to a first date in general.
And do you have a blog yourself?
Oh my gosh. Did I ever tell you about the guy I met at a YSA thing and he asked for my number and I gave it to him when I never really wanted to..?
ReplyDeleteWell I learned a lot from that. I made the same call you did (after he left a voicemail asking me out) and it was so hard but he was also so nice about it. Guys appreciate honesty.
Any idea of how to reject a guy to his face without giving out your number? Also .. without lying. Haha .. My guy friend once told me that it's okay to lie about having a boyfriend in those situations but what's some good wording that isn't a total hit to his ego or make the girl look like a jerk for not giving him a chance?