Being A Minority Can Be Tough

Seeing a blonde hair blue eyed girl in Provo, Utah is like seeing a tree hugger in Oregon. They are everywhere. For the last few years I have been just one of the many, but I have always wanted to stick out. I’ve always tried to be the minority. I know most people don’t want to be the minority but for some reason I have always dreamed to be.

In a sense, I always have been. I’ve lived in many different places where I was the minority because of my religion. I often was one of the only Later-day Saints in my class.

I am officially going to be apart of a very small minority when I finish this Ironman. I often try to find those at the gym that look like they might be training for a race as well. It isn’t easy and sometimes I am sad about it. I’ve come to realize that being the minority isn’t as cool as it might have seemed to me in the past.

That became very real these last few weeks.

At the beginning of the year I decided to go to the Polynesian singles ward home evening. I wanted to visit and meet more people that remind me of my mission/high school (I went to one of the most diverse high schools in the united states).  Plus if you know me, you know that I have a thing for brown men.

It happened to be the first week of practice for a dance performance that would be in about 6 weeks. I got sucked in and since secretly for years I have wanted to perform a poly dance in front of a group of people I thought it would be fun to accomplish that goal.

I did not know how hard it would be. I spent the next six weeks two days a week a few hours at practice and I have never felt so out of place, ever. I was the minority. And I felt it. I felt out of place and disconnected. I really tried hard to make relationships with the girls but it was not happening. I don’t know if it was because I looked different than them, or if it was because they really didn’t like my personality, or if they didn’t even notice me (it’s hard to not notice the only white girl), or maybe they didn’t think that I really cared to make friends with them.

I wanted to quit so many times. I felt out of place and unwanted, and I knew that I was going to stick out like a sore thumb in the performance. Two weeks before the performance I almost quit. But then I thought about how one day I could teach my kids the importance of following things through even when you feel like you are all alone.

So I got through it. Don’t get me wrong, I made a few friends and was able to get closer to some old friends. And there were some that were really friendly to me. But I never once felt that I was fully accepted or wanted. I can only imagine how many people have felt that way at one point in their life.  

There are many of you who have felt that way before, who have felt left out, unwanted, etc. To you I say, I know how you feel. And all I can say is it may not ever really get better but you can NOT pay it forward by always trying to include those around you that may be different than you, or weird, or awkward. Everyone needs friends, don’t be that person that excludes others.

All in all it was a great experience and I was able to do something I had never done before!