Dear Avery,

Your Street Photography

Today you had your four month appointment and it made me so sad to think that I have recorded near to nothing about your life. So here I am, recording, in hopes that one day you will appreciate it.

The doctor was excited to have such a happy baby in the office, he had had quite a few babies a little older than you that are starting to become aware of what happens at the doctors, but you had no clue what was about to happen. You smiled at him, the way you do at everyone. You get all excited and stiffen up your body and your teeth-less smile lightens up the room. You got your shots, you cried for 5 seconds and then instantly did what you love to do, grab your feet and try to eat them. Sometimes I cant believe how easy going you are.

There is something so special about you, and I can't take any credit for it, it's just who you are. You make friends with everyone you come in contact with and you bring joy into all situations. A little over a month ago I took you to a wedding and the bride couldn't get enough of you as we were all getting ready together. You eased her nerves at a stressful and exciting time in her life. She told me how you made her day even more special.

You came into our lives at a very difficult time. Mommy had lost her job, daddy was having to make some tough business decisions, we had lost your great grandma, and the adjustment from Daddy and Mommy being single to married was a tough one, there were A LOT of changes in a short amount of time. But you came and you eased our burdens, our load has increased but all we have to do is gaze into your big brown eyes and see your happy, full of life smile to quickly feel at ease.

I ADORE you. I look up to you. I can only hope that I will be able to help you nourish your sweet spirit into a loving, serving, member of our Church and society. You are my inspiration and I am grateful everyday to have you in my life.

Covenant Motherhood

I don't read much. In fact when I do I RARELY actually finish a book. I tend to skip chapters, read spark notes or just fully skip to the end (I do that with reality television too, I like to get the gist and then skip to the reunion show ;).

So books that are easy to read and short are my kind of reads. When I saw Covenant Motherhood in the book store I knew it was something I could finish and hopefully enjoy.

I LOVED it. I read it before Avery even came along and I feel like it prepared me for what was to come.

Something I have come to realize the past nine months as I had a lot of time on my hands and my whole world changed was how insignificant so much of what I cherished before is. And I realized how important the things to come were going to be.

Convenant Motherhood talks about all the things one might think as insignificant like changing diapers, cleaning the house, cooking dinner, etc. are actually in line with how Christ lives his life and how he wants us to live.

Charity is a Christlike atribute that we should be striving for, and how much more charitable can one get than wiping someone else's butt?!

A favorite quote from the book:

                       "One of the important messages that emerges from the history of great women in all ages                  
                        is that they cared more for the future of their families than for their own comfort...
                        Selflessness is a key to happiness and effectiveness; it is precious and must be preserved
                        as a virtue which guarantees so many other virtues...It was never easy to bear and rear                
                        children, but easy things do not make for growth and development."

Anyways, you should all go read it.

Avery Keyo Singh

I had a feeling for most of my pregnancy that Avery would come a little early. But so many told me not to jinks myself because the first usually comes later and you don't want to get to week 40 and dread every moment he wasn't there. 

I tried to to keep in mind that it was possible for him to come late but believe me I tried to do everything I could to naturally induce the labor. 

Sunday May 18th I started to feel unbelievably fatigued and then began contractions. I went to church and through out the day felt pretty good until about 7pm when the contractions became more consistant. Soon they were coming every 5-10 min but deep down I knew I wasn't ready to head to the hospital. At about 11pm we went for a walk, I came home and took a warm bath and tried to get comfortable. We didn't fall asleep until about 4am. But the fact that I was able to fall asleep told me I was in false labor. 

Monday May 19th at about 10am I realized that the contractions were coming on stronger and called to see if we could meet with the Doc. We headed to get some Kneaders french toast to celebrate that we might be having a baby that day. 

We got to the Docs at 1pm. He asked how I was doing and informed me that I was dilated to a 4 and in labor. We already had our bags packed and headed next door. 

Excited and nervous we checked in and got situated. The contractions were consistant for the next few hours but didn't hurt much at all. I thought to myself that I must have a high toleration for pain...BOY was I wrong. 

At about 5pm the Doc came to check on me and break my water (I have the best Doc, he wasn't even on call and still came to deliver my baby). I hadn't dilated much or even at all and was a little worried the process might take longer than expected. 

Then the contractions started to intensify. Soon after I heard a lady SCREAM BLOODY MURDER down the hall and I was informed that she was having a natural birth.

Tears began to flow from my eyes uncontrollably as I thought to myself there is no way I can willingly put myself through what I just heard down the hall. 

And then the contractions felt like they were coming on even tougher. EVERY. SINGLE. MINUTE. I didn't even have time to breath, I couldn't relax, I couldn't stop crying, shaking, all my breathing practice went out the door. I literally felt I would DIE before the baby came. 

I looked at my husband feeling totally defeated and said with tears "I NEED that epidural". My mother wanted me to wait and see how much I had dilated before I decided to get the epi, so we waited for the nurse to come and check. And that's when I learned that I had not dilated AT ALL, not even a little. 

I knew I would HATE my labor if I didn't get the drugs.

So fast came the drug doc and I signed my rights away. I tried to make it through the next twenty minutes before the drugs kicked in without freaking out too much. And then all of a sudden, warmth settled over my body, peace and calmness filled the room and I instantly knew I had made the right decision.

One hour later I had only dilated to a 5 but I didn't care, I had hawaiian music playing, and I was just enjoying everything around me while I felt like I was on a beach. Seriously. 

They came back another 45 min later and I had dilated to a 8.5. And soon after that I was at a 10. And then we waited for the doc to make it to the hospital before I started pushing. 

The Nurse told my Husband and Mom what to do to coach me and my brother (yes my younger brother wanted to be in the room, and I didn't care) stood towards the back to try and avoid too much detail. 

Aaron was awesome at counting to 10 (the nurse told him he was better than most dads who cant stay focused lol) and my mom with helping me breath and push correctly. I could feel the pressure and had enough movement and strength in my legs to be apart of the process. I knew when I needed to push because I could feel Avery pushing up on me. Something that many told me I would miss out on by going "natural" (my doc thinks its funny that people say natural vs unnatural considering all vaginal births are natural, it's just one is with drugs, the other without) and to be honest I don't feel like I missed out on anything (other than pain). I feel like I was able to be apart of the whole process in my own way and enjoy it in my own way. 

I pushed for just under 30 min (they had to slow me down a bit so doc was ready to go). And then came out Avery. He had the umbilical cord wrapped around him 3 times but doc wasn't worried, it was tight and didn't cause any damage. At 10:52 pm he was born. 

They quickly got him on my chest and the first thing he did was pee on me haha. He cried of course, I put his face close to mine and all of a sudden he stopped, there was an immediate connection and I fell desperately in love. 

We are desperately in love. 

 

HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY

One of my siblings recently made a HILARIOUS public fuss about us not showing our love via social media on sibling day.

So in honor of having 9 members of my family with birthdays this month and last I have to decided to write some of my favorite things about each.

April 11th

My dad is the most kind hearted, loving, devoted, man I have ever met. He knows how to make you laugh (as long as the joke doesn't go over your head), what to say when your upset and is the best fixer upper you've ever met. If you've never heard him play the guitar you're missing out and he's got MOVES for DAYS!

April 12th

Chris and I got to share a unique experience together having served spanish speaking missions together at the same time. Chris is DA BOMB at pretty much anything he does, he moves like Mick Jagger (with a little more swagger), he even convinces people somehow that he was a college athlete with his skills on the bball court. He is also the most sweet loving father there is to an adorable baby girl. 

April 20th

Brandon is the first to take the dinner check, the one to let the in the wayward son, the one who has secret alternative motives that will benefit you more in the long run. He is the person to watch sports with and may surprise you with tickets to your favorite team. He is a wonderful dad, and husband to now three adorable kids. I couldn't be more grateful for him in my life. 

April 26th

Haylea is the type of woman that was born to be a nuturer. She is so loving, thoughtful, and giving. I often ponder how much I wish I could be like her, especially now that I am going to be a mom. She tries to put everyone before her and is LITERALLY willing to give you the last dollar she has in her bank account. She is a wonderful example to me in so many ways. And if you were at my wedding you missed out on the best rap ever.

April 27th

Hanna is married to Chris and they have this adorable child in their lives. Hanna is someone I wish I could be more like, soft spoken but doesn't get pushed around, devoted mother and wife and a wonderful sister to many. She is super creative and stylish even though she may not think so. I envy her ability to take control of her home and family in a way that is unnoticed to many. She is a wonderful, quite example to many without even knowing it. 

May 2nd

Um... can you get any more ADORABLE than this picture? Tyson was the first nephew to grace our presence 7 years ago. He is an AMAZING big brother to his two adorable bros. I have never met a kid smart than he at such a young age. His skills on the piano are hard to believe and his ability to sink a basketball, kick a soccer ball, hit a golfball, or dominate an obstacle course are unheard of.

May the 4th be with you

Today is Lindsey's bday. I have already expressed much of my love to this lady here. She is the bestie you wish you had. She is beyond creative, ridiculously ambitious, quietly spiritual, and often quite HILARIOUS. I don't know how I would've gotten through some of the things I did without her. She is a rock, an amazing mother to three boys, a perfect confidant, and just a wonderful example. 

May 25th 

Last but not least and coming up soon is sweet baby Kjel. She will be 2 this year and my baby is due on her bday! Kjel and I don't get much time together and the time we do have she is having a hard time remembering who I am, I would kill to have her love haha. She is independent, loving and strong. Just like her aunty, she has no probably dancing up a storm in front of a crowd like know one is watching. She is a light in our lives and we love her.

So there you have it. I don't think I will be able to do this every year considering how BIG we are getting but today I'd like to say HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY. 

Love y'all!

You Da Bomb!

Mom,

I seriously don't know how you did it. You da BOMB.

love,

Your Daughter

Coming into my last few weeks of pregnancy I have been often thinking about the women who go through this over and over and over again all the while having little kids running a muck in the house.

I can't imagine trying to keep the house clean, running errands, taking kids all around town to different activities while having back aches, a baby that randomly kicks you during the day and sometimes really hurts, uncomfortable nights of sleep and never actually feeling like you get enough sleep. All the while feeling like your body and your life is no longer your own.

I don't know how she did it.

Isn't she beautiful???

And I don't know how we all turned out pretty darn good.

I could go on and on about all the wonderful things my mother did to bring us all into the world and how she continued to give of her body and her life to give us life.

But today I am grateful for the nine months in particular she gave to me to grow healthy and strong and that she was able to do it with three boys running a muck in the house. 

Thank you Mom, you da BOMB!

Breakfast Blues

Do you know what the breakfast blues are? If not it’s because you haven’t met my husband.

He hates to eat breakfast, he hates to get up earlier to have time to make it, he hates that it starts his metabolism so early, and he knows he can live without it, so he does.

It bothers me that he doesn’t eat it, it's the most IMPORTANT meal of the day!

But I have found one recipe that he likes and will actually eat on his way out and they are filled with delicious, healthy things for you. 

Notice how my food pictures are what most of us are use to seeing when we 

pull out of the oven. How the heck do those people on your 

Instagram make food look so beautiful...

Here is the recipe:

Ingredients
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups applesauce, unsweetened
1 banana, mashed
6 packets of Sweetleaf Stevia or 1½ teaspoons stevia powder or use ½ cup honey
5 cups, Old Fashioned rolled oats {Bob’s Red Mill}
¼ cup flaxseed meal
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
3 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
2¾ cups milk
Optional toppings: raisins, walnuts, chocolate chips

Instructions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Mix eggs, vanilla, applesauce, banana and Stevia together in a bowl.
Add in oats, flax, cinnamon, baking powder, salt and mix well with wet ingredients.
Finally pour in milk and combine.
Spray a 12 and 6 capacity muffin tin with cooking spray or use cupcake liners. Pour mixture evenly into muffin tin cups.
If using toppings add them onto the tops of muffins now. If using fresh or frozen fruit, drop it right into the batter.
Bake 30 minutes until a toothpick in center comes out clean.
Cool and enjoy or freeze them in gallon freezer bags.

Nutrition Info (without toppings)

Servings: 18* Calories for one: 143* Fat: 4g* Cholesterol: 25mg* Sodium: 161mg* Fiber: 4g* Sugars: 4g* Carbs: 23g* Protein: 6g*

**Gluten Free & Diabetic Friendly** Recipe Source: SugarFreeMom.com

Sisterhood (Women Crush Wednesday)

 

I have been blessed with some of the most wonderful friends a girl could ask for (not all are pictured here). Over the years I have built some long lasting friendships that have been there for me in more ways than I can count. Like the one time I told them I was getting married and they had 6 weeks to find a flight and a dress to come out and celebrate with me on my big day and they all did. 

I was reminded this past weekend of the power of sisterhood and how important it really is. All of these women and many others have been with me during really important times of my life, they have been an example, a good friend, a listener, or just an AWESOME wingman to some fabulous parties. 

I value my friendships so much and HATE to lose any, EVER. But all of my friends and I are different. 

Some have chosen to move on to having a family early and then have kid after kid which people love to make it clear to them that they think it is crazy. Some have chosen paths that have lead them away from the gospel, while others are as devoted as can be. Some have chosen to be working moms, while others have decided to stay home with the kids. Some of them just have a different way of life, that you or I may not understand.

But I still love them and I was reminded of how important that love and our friendship are. 

We women NEED each other. We RELY on each other. And it is so important that no matter how different we may be at different stages of our lives, that we find the good in each other. 

Bonnie L. Oscarson said:

"If there are barriers it is because we ourselves have created them. We must stop looking at our differences and find out what we have in common." 

No matter how different we are. It is so important that we find what we have in common instead of focusing on the differences. 

Sisters, we need to find the good in each other, we need to love each other more, we need to devote ourselves to helping each other more, and we need to remember we NEED each other. 

Tears and Love From Strangers

I went to visit my brother this weekend to visit his family and new baby boy Will. It's so sweet to think that Will was most recently with my baby boy probably hanging out talking about the good and bad of the families they would soon be with.

On my way to the SLC airport my flight time changed to 15 min early (15 min is a big deal in the flight world) and I didn't know it until I walked in to print off my boarding pass (you have to be checked in and have a boarding pass 30 min early and I would've been if the flight hadn't changed). Also I only ever go until last minute because I fly standby and rarely get on the flight until the last minute.

Luckily I was able to find a guy to help me print off the pass and I ran to the security check point. While there I began to feel my pregnancy emotions getting the best of me. I begged to have them let me in the first class line where NO ONE was. But they insisted I go to the other line.

While there I tried to hold back tears, when I got to the ID check point I asked the guy why my flight would've changed to earlier. He couldn't help me and the tears started to flow.

I apologized about being emotional and mentioned the pregnancy tends to whack out my emotions.

A sweet woman in front of me let me go head without me saying a word to her, then another man, and then another boy. I made it through the security in 5 min and then RAN to my gate, if you have never seen a pregnant woman running to a flight, you are missing out.

I got to my flight in the nick of time and actually had a seat ready for me.

I am grateful for the kind people in the world that are still willing to help even a Stranger (it might also have to do with being pregnant, I feel like people are a little more kind when you are).

After another flight and some good luck I was able to make it to Will's blessing and see some of my family for a few days. I hope I will always look for an opportunity to help serve strangers, whether pregnant or not, like others have helped me.

DANG you Kirkland...

Why do you have to be so deceiving?

This mom to be now feels like a complete IDIOT due to your packaging.

Last week I was babysitting my cute nephews. I had recently relieved the other babysitter who was upstairs changing the baby who was crying pretty hard. He told me he had had a rough day with some messy diapers and a rash.

When it came time for me to change him a little while later I looked around downstairs for some baby wipes when the older boy told me to look upstairs. I ran up quickly and grabbed the bag of wipes that were on the changing table along with the rash cream.

As I started to change him I had a thought that the wipes were a little longer than ones I had use before. I looked down and read KIRKLAND and missed all the other writing that was facing the other way because the cap was flipped up. I  had the thought, “hmm, I wonder if I’ll buy the Costco brand baby wipes, who knows”.

He was crying and I was trying to calm him down as I finished up.

After the other boys went outside with Uncle Aaron and me and the baby hung out, and he seemed fine.

A few minutes later the parents came home and I told them he had been a little fussy during the diaper change and it probably was from his rash.

I left to dinner with Aaron and soon received a text from my SIL. She asked “were you using the wipes in the blue package? Cause those are disinfecting wipes…”

Immediately I freaked out inside. How could I have been such an IDIOT. If anyone of you have know my SIL, you’ve probably heard some other stupid things I have done at her house, I swear I am cursed in that home.

I have decided I will NEVER purchase the disinfecting wipes that come in the same packaging as baby wipes because CLEARLY I am a big IDIOT and don’t notice details.

Here’s to this new mom to be! Luckily I have 9 more weeks left to smooth out some rough edges. 

Coming To Accept Your Body

during pregnancy.

I can’t even believe that at one time in my life I complained about my body.

My checks were always kind of chubby but they were fine.

My arms, I always thought they were HUGE, but really, they were just fine.

My stomach, though didn’t have definable abs, was still fine.

My butt was my pride but I could always find an issue with it, but it also was fine.

My legs still touched but they were fine.

DANG, I was looking GOOD! (I am the one on the left if you couldn't tell...)

Can you believe that I had these tiny of issues with my body!?

I often beat myself up over what my body looked like. I spent a lot of time working on it, molding it, fixing it. And now matter how skinny I got I could always find something wrong with it.

I am realizing how important it is for women to accept their bodies in its stages. If you don’t accept it before pregnancy, you will find that your lack of confidence will increase in a way that could be unhealthy and detrimental.

Luckily, I have been blessed with a man who loves me and makes it clear that he loves the changes that have happened. I am sure he is excited for the day when he can lift me a little bit easier, or give me a hug without a belly bumping him but until then he loves that my body is taking care of our baby no matter what not so SEXY changes are happening.

I guess what’s important is that we can accept that our bodies are being used for a greater cause than ourselves and no matter what happens we can be grateful to be a tool in God’s hands to help bring his children to this earth.  I think coming to understand that will help us get through the changes before, during and after a baby is brought into this world.

P.S Since kind of giving up sugar (we cheated by eating some whipped cream with strawberries) and eating a little healthier my husband has already lost 7 lbs.!? Men are ridiculous with how quickly they lose weight. Can I get an AMEN!?

THAT SUCKS!

Sometimes I wish after you complain about something hard to people they could just say… “that sucks”.

Instead I have noticed how quick people are to give you their own two cents. It’s as if they are preparing their advice while they aren’t listening to you.

I’ve been THAT person, and over the years I have tried to be better about not.

We live in a world that continues to remind us how to overcome, to be successful, to NOT make excuses, to find a solution quickly.

Even the gospel essentially teaches us to face our challenges with a smile on our face, or to get out and forget ourselves and go to work.

I spent 18 months doing that, forgetting myself and giving of everything to serve the Lord. And I was happy, and I do believe this is a way to overcome some tough things.

BUT I also believe sometimes we just need time to grieve, sometimes we need to time to fight our own demons and sometimes we just need time to be SAD.  

We need to face our own Gethsemane’s.

For my “Women Crush Wednesday” I wanted to acknowledge someone who has done this for me for much of my life.

My AMAZING SIL has faced infertility, failed adoption, and a reversed adoption. She believes in allowing people to grieve NO MATTER what it is.

She has been known to just say "that sucks" when I have come to her about my dating woes, school issues, or when I lost my job.

During a tough time in my pregnancy she could’ve had told me to suck it up and be grateful that I was pregnant but instead she allowed me to grieve. She listened, she HEARD me and then she responded with:

“Bringing babies into this world is hard, no matter how they come.”

And you know what’s interesting about this, is I actually felt better. Once someone allowed me to accept it was hard I was able to really start moving forward.

She allows others to grieve on their own time. She gives some of the BEST advice anyone could receive. She REALLY listens to you. And sometimes she just say’s “that sucks” which is all you need to hear.